So this new, movie Jesus Camp scares the, well, bejezus, out of me. If you haven’t seen the trailer for this frightning look into the the camp where kids are told that they are the future of God’s army, check it out here. When you come back, don’t forget to put your jaw back in place, mine fell to the floor.
In order to keep from getting tumor from all this stress, the The Satirical Political Report saves the day:
Contrary to the horror stories you’ve heard, as dramatized by the movie of the same name, Jesus Camp is really a harmless, very normal summer experience for All-American kids. Just to demonstrate how all the hysteria is overblown, here are the Top Ten activities of Jesus Camp:
10. Color War: All sides wear white, including the hoods.
9. Archery: Using non-Christians as the target.
8. Tug of War: Using non-Christians as the rope.
7. LaCross: Raiding neighboring camps armed with crucifixes.
6. Multicultural Sensitivity Training: Speaking in Tongues.
5. Whitewater activities: Looking for Vince Foster’s remains in Whitewater, Arkansas.
4. Arts & Crafts: Building giant urns to burn non-believers.
3. Rocketry: Learn how to build and fire rockets into your local Family Planning Clinic.
2. Campfire Night: Scary stories about “activist judges” protecting Constitutional rights.
1. Waterskiing, and Water-walking.
I bet you want to know where you can sign up, huh. I can’t wait for my addmissions letter. You want to know the best part of the movie is? Do ya? I bet you do. Let’s just say that seeing children worship the 43rd president of the United States brings chills to by body.
On a lighter note, those clever folks at The Satirical Political Report churned out a sing-along to Allan Sherman’s Camp Granada. It’s most entertaining, so entertaining, in fact, that I decided to sing to it myself.
And may Jesus continue to brainwash the youth of society. Cheers!